Stepping Back

Prioritizing. Organizing. Evaluating. Stepping back.

I found myself completely overwhelmed two weeks ago to the point of tears. When I get this way, it’s hard to get anything done. I want to lay in bed, binge watch Netflix, and hide away from the world.

I wasn’t sure exactly what was at the root of my feelings at first. I thought maybe I just needed to shutdown my photography business completely. I haven’t gotten much business since we moved to Texas, and frankly, when I did have a session, I was distracted, had a short temper, and felt anxiety over juggling everything I had going on. Then there were the quarterly taxes. I forgot once to pay them. I had paid nothing pretty much, but I was charged a $50 late fee. Talk about a financial burden I didn’t need.

So…I posted on Facebook requesting prayer for wisdom and direction on ending my photography business officially. (I have a great group of friends on FB and a private profile, so I feel okay with doing this.)

Through comments and conversation, I realized why I was so completely out of sorts. Where my heart was, where I was longing my brain to be focused on, was expanding our family, beginning the foster to adopt process. Our original plan was to begin taking steps towards becoming a foster family in August, and here it was mid-September and nothing had been done at all. I was thankful for the clarity! It helped me know 100% I had to take a step back from photography because of the time commitment each session takes.

I am keeping my sessions previously booked, but will not take any further sessions this year. This is scary because 1) I love my sessions and 2) the financial needs of our family. Photography has continued to fill in gaps where Sseko doesn’t. I would love for my Sseko business to grow where I don’t need photography clients but can do them just for the joy of it. This would mean a bigger impact for my sisters in Uganda as well! I’ve been a Fellow for just a year now, and it’s clear that my connection to Africa was meant to be and meant to continue to be.

We’re going to an informational meeting THIS WEEK for becoming Foster Parents and hopefully the training will follow. I’ve had good conversations this past week with Foster Families, have one to come, and we are completing home projects that have been neglected for far too long in preparation for our home study. I’m hopeful!

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