To Tell or Not to Tell…Thoughts on Pregnancy Announcements

I found out I was pregnant on August 18th, just over a week ago. Today, I decided to go ahead and announce it to the world. I am 4 weeks along or so. With Tessa, I told everyone around the same time. I was overjoyed, ecstatic, and didn’t know the criteria of waiting until at least 12 weeks, since that was the “safe” zone. So with Josiah, I decided to wait until I was 10 or 12 weeks to even tell our families. This was solely based on peer pressure. The reasoning most women wait to tell is because miscarriage is far more likely during the first trimester of pregnancy. It is difficult to communicate the joy of pregnancy and then shortly after communicate the great pain that comes with loss. We don’t want the world to know. We don’t want the questions, the comments…we prefer to go it alone or with only those nearest and dearest.

However, I am not that person. I cannot hide my negative emotions well, like anger or sadness (though if you know me, my passionate, joyful side has a harder time coming out!). If I have a miscarriage, I don’t want to have to hide my pain. I would rather everyone know so perhaps they will give me time to mourn and will mourn with me.

Also, I get terribly sick the first few weeks, so that is hard to hide as well!

And can I be honest? I am terrified of miscarriage. The last couple of years have been filled with friends going through the loss of their babies. And not all of them were in the first trimester. You see, the risk never goes away. Watching two women go through the pain of losing a full-term baby 2 years ago and just a short time ago completely broke my heart. I cannot fathom that pain, and I do fear it. But the risk does not end when the baby is safe in your arms. Every day my children could be taken from me in an instant. It is the reality of life on this earth, and I greatly anticipate the day of no pain and no tears. But until that day comes, there is loss. The reality of it surrounds us.

So I could lose this baby…during my first trimester…my last…or 20 years from now. I hope you will pray alongside us for a healthy baby and healthy pregnancy. Right now, I ask for you to rejoice with us. And if loss occurs, I hope you will mourn with us.

 

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2 Comments

  1. Emily August 27, 2014 at 11:23 pm

    Love these thoughts, Kara! Congrats! Your family is so adorable!

  2. Terra Santos August 30, 2014 at 11:31 pm

    I agree 100%. We’ve had 2 miscarriages and both would have been SO much harder if no one knew. That’s what community is for. Happy for you all!

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